Autumn is here and I realise that I stay indoors a lot more these day, I suppose the hermit life sings to me. Reading back on October’s gratitude journal I realise that I’ve been obsessed with food!

I suppose we are now a vegetarian household so finding and trying out new recipes is now a thing for me. I also notice that I’m super grateful for the dog, for sleep, and for my amazing support network.

It’s amazing how much we put ourselves through and endure and suffer, but when someone outside comes by and says “this is not ok, you can do something to get out of here”, then a lightbulb switches on and I’m given the comfort and confidence to endure short-term pain to release myself from long-term suffering.

Sometimes you just have to say yes to yourself. So I’m super grateful to the amazing people I have around me who have gone through similar situations and have given me so much strength this month. And here is October’s gratitude journal:

1 Grateful for morning lie ins and afternoon naps, absolutely shattered for some reason. Grateful for rice and spinach, feel like I haven’t eaten rice in ages and spinach has never tasted so good!

2 Grateful for Artemis today, it was thundering and lightning and one bout of thunder even spooked me a little as it was so loud. Then I wondered how Artemis was doing and I saw her come into my study, beeline straight for the bed under my desk and she was curled up, shaking like a leaf. I spent some time stroking her and soothing her until she was able to stop shaking. Grateful that I can offer comfort and support to another living being that needs it. Grateful for Artemis as she was super keen to melt into my lap this evening on the sofa – no personal space whatsoever!

3 Grateful for Artemis again today, she was snoozing on me this evening on the couch – literally zero space between us – she really wanted to be glued to me. This is a pleasant experience, as usually she’s all up on the hubby’s grill instead! Grateful for eggs, which we had this evening, lots of protein – love eggs. Should eat more eggs.

4 Grateful for family dog walks, we had a nice little walk this evening as a trio, which doesn’t usually happen in the weekday. Grateful for enlightening conversations, realising that I’ve kind of been at two ends of the spectrum lately regarding overwhelm and catastrophising things and then the next day a total sense of lack of care, as if I had cared too much the previous day and I’m therefore compensating for that the next day maybe. Interesting to have this highlighted. Grateful to work from home today, and to have lunch with the hubby and just chat about life during lunch.

5 Grateful for rice today, obviously ate rice for dinner tonight and it was super tasty and we replaced feta cheese with cheddar cheese and the meal was just so much tastier! Grateful for Artemis this evening, I sat on the sofa next to the armchair and she decides the best place to be is between me and the armchair! Then when I move over away from said armchair, she proceeds to lie on me! She is definitely a lot cuddlier these days.

6 Grateful for a clean house, grateful for a fridge full of food, grateful for salmon – haven’t had fish at home in a while, it was super tasty. Grateful for the post person delivering my Boots order – yay for skincare.

7 Grateful for a varied day today: went to obedience class, went to Pets At Home where Artemis was adored by all, did some chores, tidied up, did some writing, watched a film, and had a family walk in the evening. I think variety really helps keep me at ease, in both physical and mental well-being. Also grateful for Guardians of the Galaxy 3, which we saw this evening and it actually had a lot of heart and tied up everything quite nicely. Grateful for Artemis this evening who was super snuggly and slept on me – it’s nice knowing she feels safe enough to relax and sleep on me.

8 Grateful for sunshine drying the laundry. Grateful for cooking hearty autumnal meals ready for the week ahead. Grateful for eggs, lots of yummy protein, as we are trying to be veggie these days – though I admit I find it a little hard. Grateful for the internet, helping me research things, and I’m excited to try out some new veggie recipes.

9 Grateful for morning dog walks, walking Artemis sure helps me stay present. Grateful for apples, I’ve switched from eating pears to apples and – though I didn’t used to like them all that much – they’re actually not that bad these days. Grateful for evening cuddles on the sofa, yesterday Artemis really wanted to stand all over me, whilst today she was just gently snoozing on me – which is definitely less painful.

10 Grateful for nurses being very informative and helpful. Grateful for car parks with empty spaces. Grateful for Artemis, I went to pick her up from the park today and when she saw me she came running towards me wagging her tail – so adorable.

11 Grateful for Artemis on our morning walk today, we went to a park that we don’t go to often and I brought the 5m training lead but she kept close by my side the whole time! Grateful for the hubby doing some chores, giving me some reprieve. Grateful for meat and protein as I had mincemeat in the cottage pie for dinner this evening, and it was tasty!

12 Grateful for a colleague who helped me make porridge in the microwave today. Grateful for my other colleagues offering advice on a better work life balance. Grateful for a wealth of knowledge out there, as I’m trying to exercise and focus on flexibility. Grateful for our new dog walker/ doggy day care person who recounted she took Artemis somewhere to swim and it was shallow waters so she dove under to grab some sticks at the bottom – such a peculiar dog, I’ve never seen her do this myself.

13 Grateful for Artemis today, it was chucking it down this morning so I gave her a training session instead and I am so proud of her as she held the training tube! Couldn’t believe it! I praised her so much, hopefully she is getting a better understanding of this trick. Grateful for an upcoming workshop, as I had a one to one with the coach today and he was optimistic and reassuring me that my line managing issues are actually very common – sad, yet reassuring. Grateful for an epiphany moment today when I was talking with the hubby. Essentially I feel like I’ve been a toad that is slowly being boiled in a pot, and something has now entered the pot and exclaimed “hey, it’s hot in this pot”. And me being the toad, I’m like “yeah, it is hot, I need to get out of here”. It’s odd how we endure suffering ourselves, but as soon as we see someone else suffer our same pain, only then do we act to stop the situation. The hubby said it’s like we undervalue and underappreciate ourselves so we feel it is ok being in those situations. So yes, eye-opening and I’m going to do something about it.

14 Grateful for Artemis today who did really well in obedience class today, she did off lead A recall for the first time and did amazingly! What a trooper! Grateful for nachos today, which was our lovely dinner, so tasty and crunchy! Grateful for Check-a-trade, as I found a few services that I will call up next week to try and get some quotes to do some work on the house.

15 Grateful for sleep, had a lie in this morning and also afternoon nap. Grateful for Deflatine as I was super bloated today and it worked a charm! Grateful for food blogs and recipes, as I have found several new recipes I want to try out. Grateful for the internet and YouTube, learning lots about a new project I’m working on I probably wouldn’t have been able to learn so much in such a short amount of time if it weren’t for the internet.

16 Grateful for a good support network at work, talking through some difficult issues and everyone appears quite supportive, and also people realise that I’ve been “given a grenade” so that kind of reassures me that it’s not my fault. Grateful for baking, I haven’t baked tonight but I have prepared various things so I can just bake tomorrow and just be in the flow state of mind. I’m planning on baking carrot cake and I’m grateful for the hubby for getting all the ingredients for it – we love carrot cake.

17 Grateful for family dog walks this evening. Grateful for click and collect. Grateful for baking, even though I haven’t had a bite of said cake just yet. Grateful for soup that I made at the weekend and finally ate today – it was quite tasty. Grateful for open conversations and action plans. Grateful for my support network.

18 Grateful for food, had a lot of good food at work today. Grateful for pop cakes, so very tasty indeed! Grateful to have a car and be able to drive. Grateful to be able to celebrate birthdays with people.

19 Grateful for free food, there were cupcakes and quinoa chips from work. Grateful for free products from work, these used to be emailed but a colleague informed me they’re actually now available on a portal, so also grateful for my colleague sharing that information with me. Grateful for a super comfortable sofa as I completely zonked out on the sofa this evening. Grateful for Artemis, as I was in the office today, and when I came home she was wagging her tail so much she was so excited to see me! And grateful for my friend who shared that she got engaged tonight! So happy for the newly engaged couple and I’m grateful to share the joy.

20 Grateful for satnav, navigating me through flooded B roads and not so flooded A roads. Grateful for having a car and being able to get to places. Grateful for the drivers where I live not causing too many accidents, as there have been lots of incidents and accidents where I’ve been driving today. Grateful for underfloor heating. Grateful for scones and clotted cream. Grateful for naps and sleep. Grateful for Mrs Brown’s Boys which we watched this evening and I’m reminded how hilarious it is and it also reminds me of my dad too, who used to love this show.

21 Grateful for sleep and napping. Grateful for underfloor heating. Grateful for dog training, as we walked Artemis off lead in a new field for the first time and her recall was pretty decent considering we didn’t have any super tasty treats on us. Grateful for sofa cuddle times with Artemis, she was lying on my stomache and it was adorable, and then she got up and I realised just how heavy she was!

22 Grateful for roast dinner and gravy, haven’t had it in such a long time. Grateful for our training lead, allowing me to wrap the lead round my leg to ensure that Artemis doesn’t wander too far away from our dinner table and try to eat other people’s food. Grateful for the hubby helping me charge the car and preventing queue jumpers. Grateful for underfloor heating where we are staying at the moment.

23 Grateful for finding a new car park near the bottom end of the town centre today. Grateful for the hubby being a really good human satnav. Grateful for the staff in a particular establishment next to a hotel: we had Artemis with us and asked for two cups of tea to drink outside, and they responded that breakfast is still being served so to just take free tea from the buffet breakfast – even though I said we weren’t staying guests. Grateful to be home as I missed my creature comforts. Grateful for Only Murders in the Building as it is so intriguing and funny.

24 Grateful for fruit today, was really wanting to eat something crunchy and lo and behold, apples were there! Also snacked on a banana randomly as I was super peckish in the afternoon. Grateful for a high back sofa as I was snoozing on the sofa this evening, was just absolutely shattered. Grateful for a little shut eye. Grateful for a colleague who has reassured me that I’m doing a good job in managing which gave me the boost I feel I needed. Also super grateful for Rennie’s, the pizza I ate was not sitting well with me tonight.

25 Grateful for cookie decorating, which work organised for Halloween – I do love baking and eating baked goods!

Grateful for our new dog walker who sent some super adorable pictures of Artemis making friends with another spaniel, she looks like she’s having just the best time. Grateful for being able to drive and having access to a car as I really needed it today and it’s just so convenient.

26 Grateful for my coat, which I wore in the office today as I felt super cold – I swear the thermostat is broken. Grateful for strawberries, even though they are no longer in season, work still has them so I managed to eat a few! Also grateful for red grapes – super tasty and really easy to snack on whilst working. Grateful for my colleague who was acting as my agony uncle – even though he is younger than me – helping with phrases as responses to create a better work life balance.

27 Grateful for nature today, it’s autumn and the temperature has dropped yet berries are showing on the holly tree in the garden and another climbing plant is also budding – I thought nothing flowered or bloomed in autumn but apparently not.

Grateful for neighbours who get in the Halloween spirit, these people must have kids who love Halloween as they’ve decked out their front garden with inflatable ghoulish things – all good fun and quite funny seeing on a morning dog walk.

28 Grateful for obedience class and learning more general dog training things. Grateful for an overdue catch up with friends talking about weddings and engagements and getting some third party unbiased advice on dealing with a difficult work issue – glad to have a supportive network around me.

29 Grateful for an extra hour’s sleep, completely forgot it was daylight savings hours so that was a nice surprise! Grateful for good food and good company: ate dim sum for the first time since maybe pre COVID and the food was so delicious, definitely authentic.

And also caught up with some old colleagues and it’s interesting hearing about their work and lives and getting interesting perspectives on certain things. Also one of them is due in the new year so it’s exciting hearing about baby plans!

30 Grateful for pineapple buns, or crispy top buns, so very tasty – much better than brioche. Also grateful for egg tarts, again super tasty and haven’t had in absolutely ages. Grateful for the garage that serviced my car today because they also cleaned it! One less chore to do. Grateful for insightful and enlightening conversations, I realise that my friends and support network really do care about me and don’t wish to see me suffer. They’ve also helped me realise that I am not at fault, that I am not the problem – grateful to feel validated.

31 Grateful for satnav today, helping me get to where I need to go. Grateful for our new dog walker who took a funny video of Artemis – she tried to run against a greyhound and then barked in frustration when she couldn’t keep up. Grateful for pineapple buns and egg tarts, which I finally finished eating today – so yummy.