As I read back on September’s gratitudes I realise how important people are in my life. I’ve been very grateful for people and their presence, their advice, their experiences, and their time, helping to guide me. I’ve been trying to figure some things out and navigate through the current uncertainty of the world right now. Trying to find what my purpose is, any purpose, really.

So it’s been very helpful listening and questioning and conversing with people who know me and my life, trying to work through things together. I’ve been using music, film, TV, art, journaling, and exercise to calm and de-stress myself. I’m super grateful this month for creativity and being able to actively be present and maybe even escape from the terrors of the outside world this month.

I suppose I’ve had a few realisations to trust in the universe, that everything is connected, and that everything will work itself out in the end. That I’m currently in the process still, in the storm before the rainbow appears, or down a dark tunnel before the last corner that shows the light. I’m kind of, slowly, learning to be ok sitting with it and living and being in this process. This too shall pass. And here is September’s gratitude journal:

1 Exercise: grateful for a little exercise this morning. Managed to get up and move about, which was surprisingly not so difficult once out of bed. Getting some endorphins flowing before the working day was great. Also grateful not to be aching or have any injuries so I can exercise.

2 Podcasts: grateful for podcasts today. Listened to a couple of episodes of a great podcast and I always feel connected to the presenters, as if they are reaching deep into my thoughts. Grateful for this content and strangely having other people share the same issues as me.

3 New opportunities: grateful for new opportunities today. Thinking about the future and what might happen brings excitement and hope.

4 Rest: grateful for rest today. I have a week off in the coming week so I’m grateful to take time to rest and recharge my batteries.

5 Food: grateful for food today. Tried a new recipe, looked amazing, and smelt amazing. Such a colourful looking meal too – and healthy. Grateful for this little thing today.

6 Clear thoughts: grateful for clear thoughts today. It’s as if a few clouds have parted and I can see some of the sun shining down on me. I’ve had a couple of realisations today, helping me to see clearer and better understand my purpose in life. I’ve come to accept that doors close to help guide you down a longer corridor to another door at the end, and it’s that door all the way down that long corridor I have to open. And I’m still walking down this long corridor, and I think I’m almost ok with that.

7 Quietness: grateful for quietness today. Quietness through less noise, more sleep, more rest, slower pace. Things seemed a lot calmer today, maybe it’s just autumn and the neighbours are retreating indoors quietly. Whatever is happening, I’m grateful for it.

8 Cougar Town: grateful for this hilarious and heartfelt show. Been binging this a lot recently and it really hits you in the feels, yet it is so ridiculously funny at the same time. Grateful for Cougar Town showing me you can have the bad with the good too.

9 Hubby: it’s the hubby’s birthday today and I’m grateful he is in my life. I’m grateful he planned and organised a lovely (and tiring) day and though we couldn’t be in New York to celebrate like we planned, we had some New York sprinkled in our day.

10 A few things: grateful for technology as we watched some very old home videos, bringing back memories for the hubby. Grateful for friends as one friend in particular has been very supportive and a wonderful cheerleader. Grateful for the ukulele, I had some time this evening to strum a little and it was just a great little pick me up. And grateful for opportunities, when one door closes, another really does open.

11 A few things today: grateful for some chill time this afternoon as we started paint by numbers of Van Gogh’s Starry Night as a couple activity and it was lovely, I haven’t painted in years and it really is quite relaxing. Grateful for good old classic 90’s films: we watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding, it was the first time the hubby watched it and it was just as hilarious as I remember it. Grateful for little lightbulb moments, something that I didn’t think would happen has actually happened. And grateful for the hubby in helping me find an old journal, I’m going to start journaling again the old fashioned way with pen and paper, hopefully the physical act of writing can destress me a bit more and untangle my thoughts.

12 Self care and creativity: grateful for self care today through skincare and simply taking care of myself. Also grateful for creativity and learning a new song on the ukulele that involves a few riffs/ fingerpicking which I’m not too great at – yet. Grateful for trying to stay in the moment and focusing on the present only.

13 Down time: grateful for some down time and being present. Played a board game and did some paint by numbers with the hubby in the afternoon. It was lovely just doing things without a screen or anything, really peaceful.

14 A few things: grateful for getting up early this morning to exercise, listening to some great music whilst boosting endorphins really did tiringly help start my day. Grateful for art, as I sat staring at the Van Gogh paint by numbers today during moments of down time in the working day. Grateful for second chances and powering through things. Grateful for journaling as it has helped me come to terms with things and reduced the amount of overthinking I have been doing recently; I suppose the physical act of writing and the permanence of ink helps my mind untangle my thoughts.

15 A few people today: grateful for the hubby helping me figure something out whilst I was pretty stressed. Grateful for my mentor giving me confidence and helping me realise some really insightful things. And grateful for someone giving me a chance.

16 Clarity: grateful for clarity today. As if the clouds have parted and I can think and see clearer now about what I want in life and how I want to live and how I want to be. I suppose you have to open a lot of wrong doors before you know or realise that those have been wrong doors all along and that you know a little better what a good door looks like.

17 Hubby and friends: grateful for the hubby today, supporting me and encouraging me to power through a tough day. Also grateful for a really caring friend offering some sound advice on the future.

18 Time: grateful for a little extra time today to get some extra stuff done, so had quite the productive day today.

19 Ruth Bader Ginsburg: grateful for this amazing trailblazer. Heard that the Notorious RBG passed away yesterday, so sad to hear. We watched On the Basis of Sex a few months ago, based on RBG’s life and early cases, and she was just so inspirational. She still went to work and went to the gym when she was battling cancer, sometimes I struggle to work on a normal day and I never go to the gym – this woman was amazing and so strong willed.

20 A few things today: grateful for painting and paint by numbers, was really relaxing today and just lost myself focussing on the present. Also grateful for composer Vaughn Williams, we listened to some of his music whilst painting and it definitely added to the relaxing atmosphere. Also grateful for Tom Hanks and Fred Rogers as we watched A Beautiful Day in the Neighbourhood and it was just so lovely, being reminded that it’s ok to have feelings and to feel your feelings.

21 Body: grateful for my body today. I’ve had a twinge in my back/ shoulder over the past few days that has been super painful, but today, somehow, it doesn’t hurt as much. I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve been stretching or sleeping in a better position or trying to keep better posture, but something has worked and I hope tomorrow I will feel even less pain.

22 Opportunities: grateful for opportunities today. When one door closes another really does open. It’s odd how the universe works and I guess I have to trust that everything will be ok in the end.

23 Progress: grateful for progress today. I’ve come a long way over the years: mental health, coping with stress, career. I’m grateful that, even though I’m not exactly where I want to be, I’m not where I was. Today has been a day of reflection, for sure.

24 Sleep: grateful for a little extra sleep this morning. Neighbours have not been courteous in the nights so catching up on some snoozing was wonderful this morning.

25 Warmth: grateful to be able to keep warm today. It has been quite chilly today, so wearing a dressing gown to keep warm has been very useful and well as cosy.

26 Feminism: grateful for feminism today. Watched Enola Holmes, which was fantastic and brilliantly political. It made me think of RBG and what she’s done for women and feminism, how sometimes we need media and films to bring to the forefront stories of the marginalised. It also made me think about RBG’s words: fight for the things you care about, but do it in a way that will lead others to join you. Grateful for this inspiration.

27 Ukulele: grateful for the ukulele and having the time to play this evening. Grateful to have the instrument, such a lovely sound. Also grateful for all the songs readily available to learn too.

28 A few things today: grateful for the hubby helping me sort some stuff out, googling some timetables for me and saving me some time. Also grateful for couple of phone calls today to help move some things along, progress no matter how small is much appreciated these days.

29 Several things today: a great friend giving some super advice, a proper sales person it seems who is able to spin things really well. Grateful that I happened to pop into the office just as a friend from work went in too, a delightful surprise and lovely impromptu catch up. Also grateful to see and chat with the receptionist who is always so bright and cheery. Also grateful for medical advice, as I went to see a doctor this morning and was reassured that things should be ok. And lastly grateful for communication, two emails today just washed away any issues I had.

30 A dear friend: grateful for a dear friend today helping me and giving some really insightful sage advice. Always great to have a pep talk.