I saw a post on LinkedIn about rejection. To summarise it read: If I’m not being rejected then I’m not pushing myself enough. I don’t know how I feel about that to be honest.

Because we can try our best and still get rejected. We could be the perfect potential partner or friend or employee and still be rejected. What if you are really putting yourself out there and pushing at your breaking point and can’t push yourself any further?

The whole package

I saw another post that resonated with me more: You can be the perfect package and still end up at the wrong address. When this happens the receiver will mishandle you because they don’t know what to do with you or because they weren’t meant to have you in the first place.

In other words: you could be rejected because you’re too good, because they can’t afford you, because you just don’t vibe together. If you and a partner/ friend/ interviewer don’t vibrate at the same frequency then it is unlikely to work out in the long run. You can be rejected on your best day by those who just don’t vibe with you. And you can be celebrated on your worst day by those who just get you.

One chapter perspective

As we’re fumbling through this corridor of life, trying to open doors and sit at certain tables, it’s useful to remember that it’s not always down to you. People walk in on a chapter of your life and make assumptions on your whole story. This tiny window is all they get to see to make that judgement. So sometimes, it’s not you, it’s them.

Sometimes it might be helpful to have a post mortem of a relationship, a date, or an interview to evaluate what could be done differently next time. But the danger comes when you can’t shut down your inner critic and blame yourself. Self examination is ok, but self criticism can be a dangerous slope. What you might not realise is that date was still in love with their ex or there was an internal candidate who got the job. Some things are just out of your control.

Keep going

It can be really frustrating. Just thinking about some will-they- won’t-they TV romances, or even the thought of 500 Days of Summer, frustrates me. And after rejection it can feel as if there has been no progress. But when one door closes, another door soon opens.

It may be hard to accept but all those rejections are going to lead to the best acceptance later down the line. Lisa Kudrow was rejected as Roz from Frasier, but she was later accepted to play Phoebe from Friends – the role that made her career.

It doesn’t matter how fast you’re going, as long as you’re still going. As long as you bring your most authentic self each day, knocking on those doors and bringing a chair to sit at those tables, then you can attract those who vibe with you. And you will get that acceptance later down the line.