July has been a rollercoaster month, to say the least. So many emotions, so many feels, so much confusion and revelations and learning new things about people I thought I knew.

It’s been a sad month too. I’ve had an amazing support network to get me through and it’s crazy how the littlest of things can trigger and set me off crying and then again the littlest of things can bring me back off that precipice. 

Flowers blooming against the odds. Progress and resilience in nature has made me believe that I can also make progress and become resilient too. Of course, my back problems are back again. Can’t win them all, I suppose. But this too shall pass. 

So here is July’s rollercoaster of a gratitude journal: 

1 Sleep: grateful for sleep today. Had a little lie in and it was nice recuperating and just taking it easy.

2 Growth: grateful for growth today. Practising delayed gratification, getting things that need to be done today, so that tomorrow I can do things that I want to do. Grateful for speaking up and upholding boundaries and learning that saying yes to someone else whilst simultaneously saying no to myself is detrimental to my mental health. Grateful for moving along this journey and choosing peace over drama.

3 Four Weddings and a Funeral: grateful for this TV show today. We finished watching it and it has been a rollercoaster ride! I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, I’ve mulled over sentimental thoughts, I’ve appreciated character developments and just really enjoyed the journey. It’s just nice how everything works out in the end with a cute little bow.

4 Self care: grateful for self care today. Self care in the form of putting oil in my hair, oil on my face and my skincare routine, doing gua sha too. Self care in the form of food too, I suppose: we had scones today with clotted cream and strawberry jam. Divine.

5 Tea: grateful for tea today. Nice little caffeine pick me up in the morning and a soothing hot beverage to relax in the evening. Good for rainy day weather which it was today.

6 Sleep: grateful for sleep today. Catching up on snooze and having a lie in, recuperating and resting. Feel I need a good 8 hours to properly function these days, and unfortunately I do not manage it most days. So I’m grateful that I can have a lie in.

7 Body: grateful for my body today, even if it’s not cooperating with me at all. Have some lower back pain that has been super painful and I miss the days where I had no back issues! But it makes me feel grateful that I had it pretty good back then, that my body was strong enough to carry me throughout the day pain free. I’m grateful that I did yoga so many years ago and have some stretches to try and ease the pain.

8 Several things today. Grateful for hot water bottles providing pain relief. Grateful for paracetamol and drugs in general providing really good pain relief. Grateful for catching up with an old friend who helped us procure something and just talking about industries. Grateful for the hubby helping me carry things, including myself, as I move around slowly and carefully. Grateful for the Royal Mail, as we finally received something really cool that I ordered for a friend. And grateful for patience, as I received a tax rebate connected with my previous job.

9 Hot water bottles: grateful for hot water bottles. Relieving some pain and providing a bit of lumbar support when I’m seated on my chair. Definitely did something not quite right, but grateful for little helpful remedies.

10 A few things today. Grateful for my body, carrying me and enabling me to run lots of errands today. Grateful for the hubby, physically helping me move in and out of places when my body was not cooperating with me very well. Grateful to experience a Van Gogh immersive event, not exactly what I expected it to be but I was grateful to see a portrait of the artist I had never seen before where he had a shaved head. Grateful for self awareness and learning, as I am now more aware of the root reasons why I ended up becoming a people pleaser (and enabler) in childhood and in adulthood.

11 Stretching: grateful for stretching today. It’s helped relieve some pain, which still exists, but definitely feeling a lot better. Grateful to know some old yoga moves during a time in need.

12 Cook books: super grateful for cook books today, as I’ve managed to pile the remaining ones we have on top of each other to create a temporary stand up desk. Laptop and screen all on top of big cook books. I lasted standing up after lunch, which I wasn’t expecting. Grateful to give my back a slight breather and to give my legs a bit of work. Maybe my posture has improved, but I was working quite steadily all morning.

13 Chairs: grateful for chairs today. Day 2 of the makeshift temporary stand up desk and this time I didn’t last as long. Soon after noon I was cowering for a chair again, so I’m super grateful that chairs exist.

14 Heathers: grateful for Heathers today. After a pretty hectic day, we managed to rush and make it to see Heathers the musical. What a great night. Thoroughly enjoyed myself, it was nice having a little escapism tonight. The songs are good, the performers are great, really good fun.

15 Women’s network: grateful for women’s network today. Collaborating in this exciting new group and thinking of new ideas, very inspirational.

16 A few things today. Grateful for the hubby, being a source of adorable joy when good music is playing. Grateful for work, as I passed my probation and the feedback was really glowing – I’m so pleased to be somewhere I’m celebrated. Grateful for Never Have I Ever, it’s wonderful properly laughing out loud.

17 Family: grateful for family today, seeing the in laws for the first time in a while and it was lovely catching up.

18 Air conditioning: grateful for air conditioning today. It is swelteringly hot so having some reprieve has been really good.

19 Hubby: grateful for the hubby today, supporting me and helping me sort things out today.

20 Family: grateful for family today. Don’t always understand them sometimes, but grateful for them nonetheless.

21 A couple of things today. Grateful for sleep, as I had the longest of lie ins. I had breakfast at around lunch time, which is the latest that happened in years. Just recovering from everything, switching my body off and on again. Also grateful for antihistamines and drugs, relieving some incessant itching from allergies. Grateful for modern drugs and medicine helping to reduce pain and irritation.

22 Tea: grateful for tea today. Had a lovely concoction, I forget what leaves it contained, and it was very tasty. Also had green tea for the first time in a while, which soothed my tummy.

23 Support network: grateful for support network today. It’s a sad sad day today, but hubby, family, and friends have all rallied round. Grateful for kind words, checklists, phone calls, hugs. Grateful for sympathetic ears, hand holding, gentle smiles, and caring eyes.

24 Sleep: grateful for sleep today. Catching up on some much needed sleep, recuperating and recharging. Refilling my cup as well, just taking it easy.

25 Self care: grateful for self care today. Putting hair oil in my hair, brushing my hair, massaging facial oils, doing gua sha – just staying present in ways that also take care of the body.

26 Work: grateful for work today, offering some slight distraction. Also grateful as my colleagues have been very supportive and offering kind and wise words. Very grateful for these people lifting me up today and giving me lots of space.

27 Exercise: grateful for a little exercise today. Didn’t do much, just a little movement, but enough to be a little tired.

28 Flowers: grateful for flowers today. Received flowers from work the other day and the lilies have opened up. They took their time initially, but the petals look practically horizontal now, and they definitely smell of lilies. Grateful for this blooming life in this flat, a reminder that life presses on, regardless of the circumstances. A reminder that I, too, can press on and overcome obstacles and challenges. A reminder that progress, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant, is still progress.

 

29 A couple of things today. Grateful for colleagues sending kind words, very thoughtful and considerate. Also grateful for lilies again today. Another one opened up today, whilst the other flowers in the bouquet are starting to flounder. Seeing this flower have the resilience to not only stay alive, but also to bloom, is quite magnificent. I’m in awe. And I’m grateful that there are so many lilies for me to see the different progress. Just like people, running their own race, blooming at different times.

30 Poetry: grateful for poetry today. The beauty of words and power of rhyme, grateful for poetry in enabling things to be expressed in such tender and beautiful ways.

31 A few things today. Grateful for patience and planning and things finally coming together for a friend’s hen weekend. Grateful for one on one conversations, active listening, and an impromptu therapy session with a dear friend. Grateful for hubby for doing the work on a joint project.